Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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