The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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