Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
