week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
