Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
