I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
