Your tits are I can't wait for
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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