why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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