the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
