it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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