i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
