My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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