I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
