i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize