how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
