No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
