I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
