we're chasing vodka with high fives
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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