Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
