Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
