I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
