capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
