The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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