Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
