Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
