I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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