I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Boobs speak an international language.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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