Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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