So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
