I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
