I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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