Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
