You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Randomize