Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i dont even know how to be here
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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