How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
