He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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