Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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