cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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