at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize