My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
