He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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