You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
