I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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