Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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