i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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