Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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