Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
