god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
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