...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
