Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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