Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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