Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
