fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
