My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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