google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
