No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
