so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
