Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
