u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
