what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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