She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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