you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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