I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
