i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
