you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
