During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
