Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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